Thursday, December 31, 2009

Satirical Motivational Posters For The Circus Church

Paul Washer has a descriptive phrase he uses to describe the foolish, unbiblical church leadership in so many man-centered churches today. It is “little boys trying to play church.”

Another phrase I have seen used by the blog team at Pyromaniacs is “Fad Driven” (I think they have a copyright on that moniker).

Whatever you want to call them, I think those leaders need their very own collection of Motivational Posters to encourage them and to inspire them to greatness.

So I have created, altered, customized, plagiarized, or otherwise assembled a series of approximately 50 Satirical Motivational Posters especially for them. It was the least I could do; I just want to be supportive and helpful.

Here they are. I proudly present:
Motivational Posters To Inspire The Leaders of
The First Contemporary,
Three Ring, Fad Driven,
Seeker-Surveyed, Evangelical,
Love Boat, Smorgasbord Church
of Your Best Life Now.
Click on any poster to view larger images.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Sometimes Even Those Who Are Wrong Can Be Right

Hey, even a broken clock is right twice each day so it can happen.  Perry Noble is an emerging church pastor whom I believe is often wrong but in this recent "tweet" he's right.

"When a leader's most common tools are
intimidation and manipulation
he is headed for isolation (because)
no one will follow him!"

Perry Noble

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Thursday, December 24, 2009

The True Meaning of Christmas

The Greatest Christmas Gift

Another busy holiday season is here and most people's thoughts are turned to family, gifts, goodwill, and world peace. And yet, have you noticed that there seems to be an ever-increasing aggressive and almost militant effort by a few to secularize this season and remove all references to religion in general and Jesus Christ in particular? That seems ludicrous to me; you can argue the pagan origins of a lot of our traditions, but you cannot argue the reason for the season we call Christmas. It is all about the historic celebration of the birth of a baby who made the greatest impact on this world in all of human history. Without Him, Nick would not be a saint, Frosty would not be merry, Rudolf would have no purpose in lighting the darkness and the little drummer boy would have no reason to play his drum.

We are all somewhat familiar with the events around this baby’s birth as they are related in our traditions and recorded in the Gospels of Matthew and Luke. To some, He was a prophet, a teacher, a religious leader or a martyr. But He was much, much more than that.

In the opening verses of his Gospel, John reveals something very profound about the unique nature of this baby:
In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God…Everything that was made was made by Him; and without Him was not any thing made…In Him was life…And the Word became flesh and lived among us, (and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only-begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth. John 1

Have you heard the contemporary Christmas carol, “Mary, Did You Know?” Ponder these great words from that song.
Mary, did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you delivered will soon deliver you…
Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
When you’ve kissed your little baby, then you’ve kissed the face of God.

Think about that. The world loves the tender emotionalism around the birth of this innocent little baby. But that little baby is God and it is improper, if not irrelevant to consider His entrance into the world without understanding His purpose in coming. There in that manger was the Sovereign King of Creation wrapped in filthy rags and lying in a dirty feeding trough. He is the Righteous One of the Universe who opens His arms wide to wicked, sinful men. The Giver of Life, the One who Is Life was born to die. The One who made the Law; the One whose Word is the Law, and the only One who ever kept the Law; the Judge of the world came to offer complete pardon and mercy to undeserving men. The highest was utterly humiliated. In Him, poverty becomes riches, tears become joy, death becomes life, trash becomes treasures and sinners become saints.

And, by the way, the Christmas story, by itself, is a non-event. It is incomplete, in fact, it is meaningless and irrelevant without the Easter story. Jesus Christ, who is God wrapped in human flesh, was born of a virgin, lived a perfect and sinless life, died a horrible death on the cross, was buried and then, three days later He rose from the dead according to the Scriptures. He did that all for me. He paid the penalty for my sins and perfectly satisfied God’s justice. Someone has described it like this: “I owed a debt I could not pay; He paid a debt He did not owe.”
I hope you too, know that your sins are forgiven and that eternal life is yours. If not, why not just ask Him to forgive your sin and receive God’s free gift of salvation by grace through faith in Jesus Christ?

“Thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift” II Cor. 9:15

Merry Christmas to you all,

Happy Whatever!

The Patriot Post coined this word, "Christmahanakwamadan," a few years ago, in sarcastic response to the Politically Correct freaks, nuts and other assorted whack-jobs who demand "inclusive" greetings. They insist the word "Christmas" is too ethnocentric, or sectarian for corporate use, and that it would violate the phony "Wall of Separation" should a government employee accidentally utter it.

But even that word is no longer sufficiently inclusive today. Now there is a new fabricated holiday demanding equal consideration. It is called "Festivus." No kidding. It has been dubbed, "Festivus, the holiday for the rest of us." They even have a symbolic decoration to take the place of a Christmas tree. It's called a Festivus pole. That's right - an aluminum pole. Sounds like a beautiful thing.

Well, this year I decorated my car with a personalized holiday greeting (pictured) that is neither inclusive nor sensitive. My wife thinks it is rude and she is embarrassed by it but hey, it really is about Christmas so, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, ACHMED."

Needless to say, there at the Patriot Post, at The Oreilly Factor, and here in my world where PC speech is taboo, it's still "Merry Christmas."

"GO FISH" is one of my wife's favorite new groups for music for teens. This song echos that sentiment; It's Christmas with a capital C.



Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Santa Claus Letter DISCLAIMER

Warning! Before you let your children send a letter to Santa Claus, you might want to protect yourself by prefacing his, her, or its letter with a Legal Disclaimer:

I wish I could claim credit for authoring the following disclaimer but I must give credit where it is due. It was written a couple years ago as a satirical piece for People's Weekly Brief by Mike Baker.

Mike served for more than 15 years as a covert field operations officer for the Central Intelligence Agency, specializing in counterterrorism, counternarcotics and counterinsurgency operations around the globe. Since leaving government service, he has been a principal in building and running several companies in the private intelligence, security and risk management sector, including most recently Prescience LLC, a global intelligence and strategy firm. He appears frequently in the media as an expert on such issues. Baker is also a partner in Classified Trash, a film and television production company. Baker serves as a script consultant and technical adviser within the entertainment industry, lending his expertise to such programs as the BBC's popular spy series "Spooks" as well as major motion pictures. In addition, Baker is a writer for a BBC drama to begin production in July 2007.

So here is Mike's suggested LEGAL DISCLAIMER:


The following letter to you in no way should imply that I believe in a mystical rotund man with a white beard who transports toys around the globe in one evening with the assistance of a team of flying reindeer.

Furthermore, the fact that I just referred to you as rotund should in no way imply that your weight is an issue. Everyone is unique and special, regardless of size. You could be thin for all I care. You might seem a bit less jolly, but never mind.

In reading the first paragraph of the legal disclaimer, it occurs to me that the reference to a white beard should be highlighted as merely a historical characteristic and is not indicative of any tendency toward ageism or in fact any prejudice toward hair color or indeed one’s preference to grow hair on one’s face.

The toys mentioned in the aforementioned paragraph one above may or may not have been manufactured in China, and I am not responsible for any stress, medical issues, or replacement costs in the event that you failed to properly test for lead content in said toys prior to transportation and delivery. It is important to note that the team of flying reindeer reportedly used by you are not harmed during the course of the one-night toy delivery operation. None of the reindeer employed by your corporation have been involved in animal testing, stunt work, or Pentagon-sponsored research and development.

The fact that I referred to you as “a man” in paragraph one of the disclaimer in no way diminishes the role of Mrs. (or Ms.) Claus in the overall enterprise. I certainly acknowledge the role of the woman in the development, maintenance, and performance of your work year in and year out. Should the two of you, at some point, decide to part ways, I wholeheartedly encourage her efforts to claim at least half of your property, assets, and future income.

In addition, the following letter is not to be interpreted as an endorsement of Santa, nor as a commercial or marketing vehicle from which you, your spouse, employees, service providers, subcontractors, or reindeer should in turn benefit financially. I maintain no financial interest in the corporate entity reportedly owned entirely by you. It is noted that there is a lack of transparency in the ownership structure and I cannot, at this time, confirm or deny the possibility of Russian shareholders.

It is not my intention to suggest that you are or are not magical, mystical, other-worldly, or bestowed with mojo, superpowers, or capabilities that make you any more special than I or any other shlump. As a public service, I remind all readers that, according to life as we know it, everyone’s special. Nobody’s average and there are certainly no losers. Even when we lose, we’re still special winners (Repeat daily and induce vomiting).

Finally, my reference to you in no way implies linkage to the holiday commonly referred to as Christmas. In the event a reader is offended by the reference to Christmas, Santa, Mrs. (or Ms.) Claus, toy delivery, reindeer, fir trees, ornaments, yule logs, Yul Brynner, chestnuts roasting by an open fire, glad tidings, or any other symbolic reference, I take no responsibility for said reader’s subsequent stress, anxiety, or inability to function normally.

Likewise, there are no indications that God endorses you, nor in fact created you in man’s image although you look a lot like Burl Ives. Nor am I suggesting that you are created in God's image. I don’t know what God looks like.

Disclaimer about the Disclaimer (or Secondary Disclaimer):

The previous paragraph is in no way an endorsement for any particular religious belief. In the event the reader is offended by the reference to God, please be assured I will probably suffer, if not in this life, then certainly the next. However, that does not imply a belief in Heaven or Hell, although it would seem wise to play the odds and be good for goodness sake.

With no malice of forethought, expectations of financial reward (toy or otherwise), and without any preexisting notions of what does or does not constitute the holiday season, the following letter makes no claim on Santa's future responsibilities or obligations. I exempt Santa from any future wishes and holds him, or possibly her, blameless in the event my child doesn't receive what he, she, or it would like this year or any other year in the future.

Monday, December 21, 2009

My Very Own Christmas Song

Ever since high school, I have had a secret desire to write a really great Christmas song. The only problem is that I am not a musician, a song writer, or a composer. And I am not very creative so it is never going to happen. But I do have the title and I think it is a good one. It is "Mary Had A Little Lamb."

Come to think of it, that song has already been written, but I thought up a good title for a followup work for the Easter season - "It's Fleece Was White As Snow."
It's a silly children's poem/song, but it has profound theological implications.
"...Behold the Lamb of God which taketh away the sin of the world." John 1:29
"...a lamb without blemish and without spot," 1 Peter 1:19

Friday, December 18, 2009

Gift Giving

Do you enjoy giving gifts? Do you remember, when your children were young, how they looked forward to “the day” when they could get up early in the morning and open their Christmas presents? Do you recall their bright eyes, happy faces, and impatient excitement? Our children are grown and married and have their own families. So now that we have grandchildren, my wife and I experience those great times all over again.

She shops all year. She starts every year on December 26 and, by Christmas time, there is a literal shower of gifts for all our grandchildren. Giving good gifts to her grandchildren brings her a great deal of joy and she can’t wait to lavish her treasures on them. Years ago she started a new tradition where she gives each one of them a gift every day of December until Christmas day. That was cute when there were two or three of them but now that we have eight grandchildren - well do the math; that adds up to about 200 gifts. It’s a major chore but she loves it and can't be talked out of it.

I think our God is like that too. We don’t deserve anything from Him but yet He takes pleasure in giving good gifts to His children. And He just keeps on giving far beyond our wildest imaginations.

Thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift.” II Cor. 9:15

Have a wonderful Christmas!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Twelve Days of Christmas - Straight No Chaser

Some more great Christmas Fun. I love this video.

The original Straight No Chaser from Indiana University is back together again.

This hilarious new rendition of The Twelve Days of Christmas, by the fantastic a cappella men's chorus, is even better than the first.

A Christmas Greeting

This is a hand-copied and embellished (by me) reproduction of the graphic design on one of my favorite seasonal coffee mugs. It is the work of Sandra Boynton. She is a creative genius with a twisted sense of humor. Click on the image for a larger view.

If you have a hard time making sense of this, try plunking out the notes on a piano while singing the words and see if that helps.
Posted by Picasa

Monday, December 14, 2009

I give Obama an A

I think He's a little too hard on Himself. He deserves an A, not a B-.

The grade He gets is determined by how well He performs the task. And for anyone who has been paying attention, His Majesty, the king of the world promised us that He would fundamentally transform this country. For doing exactly what He said He would do, I give Him an A.

So how's all that hopie-changie crap working out for all you who voted for Him?

Buy Endangered Feces to Save Endangered Species

Are you stumped about what to give that special someone for Christmas? Have you considered rhinoceros excrement.

That’s right, three-toed ungulate dung. Nothing says Merry Christmas quite like some good old Rhino Poop.

This offering came out two years ago from the International Rhino Foundation. They auctioned four pieces of dung from the endangered species in order to fund conservation efforts. Their slogan was, "Buy endangered feces to save an endangered species!"

The dung derived from four of the five types of rhinoceros: white, black, Indian and Sumatran. The Javan rhino is so rare that a sample could not be collected (eit
her that or he is just constipated).

Each piece is dried, mounted in a clear trophy case and marked with the type of rhino that produced it. (You know, as much as I like rhinos, I just can't visualize myself getting all excited about displaying a dried pile of poop on my desk.)

There are only about 17,500 rhinos remaining in the wild, and 1,200 living in captivity, according to the International Rhino Fund. So, they reason, if rhinos become totally extinct, we will still have something tangible by which we can remember them. It seems to me that a horn or even a nice head mount trophy would be a much more desirable but those are outlawed so I guess a nice stack of stool is the next best thing. The conservation whackos have gone nuts.

But hey, maybe they're onto something. We should do that with liberals. Rush Limbaugh says that we need to always make sure we keep a few of them around just as a reminder of how bad things could be. But instead, we could exterminate all of them and just keep some of their poop around. That way we would always be reminded of how much they stank but we wouldn’t have to listen to them talk.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Silly Rhino Christmas Greeting

Once again, it's time for me to drag out all my favorite "Holiday Ornaments" that I have collected to post here on this blogsite every year.
Over the next few days I will repost all of them - some humorous and some serious - and maybe some new acquisitions for your enjoyment.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Finding A New Church

Thirty-two years. That's how long I have been a member of my church. And prior to this, I was a member of my former church for sixteen years. The only reason we left that one was because we moved from another county. So for the last 48 years of my life I have only been a member of two churches.

The point is that my wife and I are not church hoppers. We join and then dig in and support the local church with our time and our resources. Membership has responsibilities.

But the time has come for us to move on and for the past three or four months we have been looking for another church. I never thought finding a good church could be so difficult. Of course fundamental, biblical orthodoxy is of primary concern so that automatically rules out many of the churches in our area. Also, I am running a little gun-shy when it comes to church polity so I am always interested to discover if a church's leadership model is scriptural and if it has some system of organizational accountability.

I was talking to one pastor recently who was sharing some plans he was about to make for his church. I asked him if he had taken some time to consult with his deacons, discuss it, and pray about it. His response was surprising, "I don't need to discuss it with them. This is something I just really want to do."

I decided to take my search in other directions.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Government Takeover of Television Talk Shows; The Oprabama Show

Dear Mr. O,

Bummer about that bad news, eh chief? Just when you are taking the hits about your grossly overstated estimates of jobs saved or created, Oprah drops the bomb. She will be ending her show and LAYING OFF 600 EMPLOYEES. That doesn't look very good for your economic policies.

But I have an idea about how you can turn this lemon into lemonade. Here's the plan:

GOVERNMENT TAKEOVER OF HER SHOW. After all, it's "too big to fail." And YOU could be the STAR. Think about it; "The Obama Show." This could really work for you because there are so many similarities in you and Oprah that the transition should be nearly seamless and the success can be almost guaranteed.

  • Oprah's father left when she was young and she was raised by a poor single mother. Hey, so were you.
  • There is some question of accuracy in her birth certificate. There is some question of the existence of your birth certificate.
  • Oprah also hails from Chicago.
  • Some considered her a likely prospect for U.S. senator from Illinois. You've been there.
  • You would not have to change the show's logo. You could just use the same letter, "O."
  • Oprah has millions of adoring fans. You used to have millions of adoring fans but I can't find too many of them that would admit that anymore.
  • Oprah loves you. YOU love you.
    Oprah is considered a spiritual leader. Some people think you are the messiah.
  • And, just like you, one of Oprah's favorite things is an open microphone that allows her to talk to millions of people.
  • Oprah used the backward spelling of her name, Harpo, for the name of her production company. Harpo is a Marx brother. It's ironic, isn't it, that you are a fan of another Marx?
  • Oprah loves to take her money and use it for the benefit of others. You also want to take HER money and use it for the benefit of others.
And one other thing. By taking over her show, you could actually save 600 real jobs as well as creating one new job - yours, because you're gonna need it when you are fired in 2012.

I hope this has been a helpful suggestion. I remain happy to help whenever I can.

Ralph M. Petersen

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Brown is the NEW Green

Fifteen years!

That's how long I have been the Administrator and President of Valley Christian Home (a residential facility for the elderly) in Hemet, CA.

And in all those years (and probably many more before me) we have been using those triple-fold paper towels in all our public restrooms and kitchens.

So a couple weeks ago I got involved in some purchasing activity after some staffing reductions (attributable to Obama's promises of Hope and Change). Staff had informed me that we were out of towels and needed to reorder. So when our supplier's sales rep showed up, I informed him of our need.

"Do you want the white towels or the 'green' towels" he asked.

"What are you talking about," I asked, "I've never heard of 'green' towels."

Then he explained, "The 'green' towels are the ones we used to call 'natural.' You know! The brownish colored ones that are manufactured from recycled paper."

"No thanks," I said, "I used to like green when it was a color in my Crayola box. Now that it is a religion, I hate green."

The he opened his price book and showed me that white towels were $40.00 per case and "green" towels were $20.00.

"O.K." I said, "I just changed my religion. Give me the 'green' towels."

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Nancy's Brain Damaged by Botox?

When you use too much Botox on your face, Do you think the tightening of your skin probably puts too much of a squeeze on your brain?

How else would you explain THIS?

Just Wondered!

Obama's Three Biggest Lies

  1. "I will not raise taxes on anyone who makes less than $250,000 per year."
  2. "If you like your health care plan, you can keep it."
  3. "I did not watch the election coverage Tuesday night."

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

My Personal Protection Assault Pitchfork

I've just added this one to my arsenal. When they come and take our guns away, I will still have my assault pitchfork.

I am already a member of the NRA but I'm thinking about starting a new organization - the NPA (National Pitchfork Association).

Looks great hanging from the mantle in my office, don'tya think?

I found the rifle stock at a swapmeet for $3.00. The pitchfork was at a yard sale for $3.00. And the sling was .75 cents at another garage sale.
Total cost - $6.75. Assembly time was 30 minutes.
Now I'm ready!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Nose-Picking Preachers - The Use of Me and I

AAAAARRRGH! I can't believe I am ranting about this again. There is hardly a day goes by that I don't hear it several times. And it is bad enough when people do this in casual conversation but when professional orators, radio hosts, and newscasters can't get it right, it is especially annoying.

I am reprinting this rant, once again, because it is so irritating to me. So pay attention; I am going to say something here that most people will never mention because they are too polite or forgiving to tell you the truth. Nevertheless, whenever you commit this blunder there are lots of people who cringe at the least or think you are an ignoramus at worst.

The word is “me,” for cryin’ out loud. It’s “me, Me, ME.” Get it?

I don’t know why so many college-educated, degree holding professional communicators act like they were too busy doing lunch to show up for grammar school. And it is especially annoying when schoolteachers can’t get it right. After all, they're teaching our kids. What are we supposed to think? This is one of the simplest, basic rules of elementary grammar and one of the easiest to get right so pay attention. THE WORD IS “ME.” It is not “I” or even “myself.” IT IS “ME!”

Now here's a word of advice for anyone (especially preachers) who wants to verbally communicate something of substance or importance to an audience. The rule is, use “I” if it is the subject and “me” if it is the object of a preposition. Never use "I" after a preposition. Never, NEVER, NEVER say “I” when the WORD IS “ME!”

Why does it matter? Let me use a real-life illustration.  We have all, at one time or another, attended a children's musical presentation in a church. And I remember the night this really happened.  The children and their director were sincere and hopeful that the audience's attention might be directed to God in their singing.  All it took was one little “nose picker” in the front row to distract the entire audience. At that point, it didn’t matter how much they had practiced or how well they did, suddenly all attention was diverted from the object of our worship to the object in the kid’s nose.

I am serious about this. You have something to say and, I believe, you really want your audience to hear it. Do you think your presentation is necessary? Is it relevant? Is it important?  Do you want the people to pay attention to the substance of your message? Of course, you do. So then why would you interject something so irritating and distracting to the ears of your hearers that they would miss your point?

And preachers, you do this all the time. You spend a lot of time reading, studying, praying, and preparing for your message to the people. You recognize that, as the oracle of God, you have a personal responsibility to speak His Words after Him. You believe that your message, if it is truly scriptural, is the message that God wants to use in the hearts and minds of His people. You understand the importance of minimizing yourself and directing everyone’s full attention to the magnification and glory and praise of God. And then, suddenly, you distract their attention away from Him and His Word with one little irritating grammatical faux pas.

You will be passionately waxing eloquent on the merits of a loving God or the work of Christ in salvation. We will be listening intently. The Spirit of God is penetrating hearts and minds. And then you will personalize it with something like, “…this is what God requires of you and I,” or “…He did it all for you and I.”

At that point, you have lost me and everyone else who cringes at your colloquial slaughtering of the language. Whatever you were trying to communicate is not reaching my mind because I have been suddenly distracted by your figurative “nose picking.”

P.S. If you are irritated or offended by this article, please forgive I.


Saturday, October 3, 2009

My Co-Pilot

As I travel down the roads of life, he is always there beside me to guide me. Without him I would be lost. When I listen to his voice and heed his instructions, I always end up in the right place. But he never forces his direction on me and whenever I go astray or make a wrong turn, he just quietly makes necessary course adjustments and gently leads me back onto the right path. And then, when I go the right way he praises me and lets me know what a great job I've done.

He is Homer Simpson and his voice guides me on my new GPS device. Listen to the samples here:

It sure makes driving fun.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Empty Suit? Cardboard Cutout? Dummy?

Obama posed with scores of delegates at the UN. How does He do this? Who is this guy? This is weird; spooky.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Mafia Thugs Take Over The White House

Is this the way they do stuff in Chicago? Are you scared yet? Did you hear the threat to conservatives who "lie" about His national health plan?

Let me reprint it for you. Referring to conservative talk show personalities and, especially notable Republican politicians (meaning Sarah Palin), Obama the Thug-In-Chief says, "If you misrepresent what is in this plan, we will call you out."

And the left goes wild with cheers and jeers. "That'll teach em." "Give it to 'em, chief." "Those pesky, lying sapsuckers need to be shut up."

And then, just a few moments later when He lies about His own plan in front of God and the whole world, only one man had the courage to "call Him out." South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson yells 'You lie!' to the president and the lefties go balistic with outrage.

Watch out Sarah; watch your backside Joe.

Friday, September 4, 2009

How To Irritate The Left At Townhall Meetings.

I was wondering what I should wear this month when I attend a townhall meeting or a tea party and then I got this brainstorm. Actually, the credit for the idea must go to my brother, Greg.

Here is an illustration of the new T-shirt I designed just for the occasion.

I am also posting an image of the graphic so that anyone who wants one is welcome to download and print my design to use as he sees fit. If you want to print it on a t-shirt, be sure to print on DARK T-SHIRT TRANSFERS.

This is not for the faint of heart.
Use of this product is sure to
irritate the snot out of lefties
and union members and
might cause violent bodily harm.
Use at your own risk.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A Message For Congress

I found this posted at Nickie Goomba's blog, "It Don't Make Sense."
Nickie urges others to post it also; this video clip should be widely circulated. I agree.

Regardless how much they try to vilify us as "brownshirts," "terrorists," "extremists," and "Nazis," conservatives are NOT the enemies of this country; the Nazis were the liberal party in Germany.

My hat is off to this "great American" Marine veteran hero who has sworn an oath to protect this country from "all enemies foreign AND DOMESTIC."

Friday, August 14, 2009

Its All My Fault!

I'm reposting this internet joke from a year ago because it is timely and just too good to pass up. And besides it is just one more reminder that IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican!"

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me."

The man smirked and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's all my fault."

Support For My President

I did my good deed for the day. I exercised my civic duty. I rallied to the support of my president's administration.

Last week he appealed for all Americans to report any "fishy" emails that may have disinformation about his socialist government takeover of health services to

Yesterday I received a very long email from some joker named David Axelrod that looked fishy to me and is probably full of disinformation so I forward it to the White House with this note:

Special thanks to a couple great kids in

Bakersfield for sending this picture from their
field trip to the natural history museum.

Dear Mr. President

Thanks for looking out for us.

You asked us to forward any "fishy" looking emails that might contain disinformation about your health plan. Well here's one I got yesterday from some doofus named David Axelrod (sounds like some phony mob name). I'm sure he must be some kind of Chicago thug. Anyway, he sent me this long email that is full of fish puke. Maybe you could straighten him out.

Thanks again.


Monday, August 10, 2009

Beyond A Reasonable Doubt

How much evidence is necessary to convict? Our courts have a stated standard – the jury must be convinced “beyond a reasonable doubt.” Yet some people have convoluted ideas about making judgments about truth that require their being convinced “beyond a shadow of a doubt.”

I was listening to Dr. Laura one day when she took a call from a sixteen-year-old girl who complained that her parents made her go to church with them. She claimed that she is an atheist and it is not fair that her parents subject her, against her will, to a belief system that is contrary to her own.

That caught my attention because of the girl’s obvious stupidity. She is sixteen years old. At that age, most people do not have well-developed or reasoned belief systems. In fact, I am 61, and at my age most people don’t have well-developed or reasoned belief systems.

I thought Dr. Laura responded well. She questioned the girl’s unbelief and emphasized that, in order to be credible, she must defend her position by sound reasoning. Dr. Laura wisely pointed out that millions of bright, educated, and thinking people for thousands of years have concluded and defended a belief in a real God. It, therefore, seemed ignorant and foolish that the young girl could dogmatically assert beyond a reasonable doubt that there is no god.

I think, at best, the girl can only be an agnostic. There is no shame in admitting that we lack enough knowledge to conclude for certain that God exists. That is what you call “ignorance” and ignorance is fixable; stupidity is forever.

When one avowed atheist sued the federal government in the ninth circuit court of appeals to have the phrase “under God” removed from the flag salute, he argued that subjecting his daughter to the mere mention of God violates the constitutional prohibition for government to establish a religion. That is another good example of sheer idiocy. It really doesn’t matter how, or when, or where people utter the name of God; the most important question that demands an answer is, “Does God exist?” And quite frankly, it really doesn’t matter much whether or not we acknowledge Him in our flag salute. We can take Him off our money, we can expel Him from our schools and we can bar Him from our courts, but His existence cannot be established or nullified by popular consensus or by sincere beliefs.

One radio talk show host recently made the statement, “The existence of God cannot be proven.”

I disagree with that because honest, thinking people, when confronted with reasonable evidence must conclude that there really is a god. So is there any reliable evidence for the existence of God? Consider this:

It was only about 80 years ago that evolutionist began to tell us that the concept of one god is the apex of a gradual development that evolved from the belief in many gods. But historical research challenges those assumptions. It is increasingly clear that the oldest known traditions of all peoples worldwide were of one single supreme God.

The transformed lives of millions of true believers and their experiences provide evidence, although subjective, that cannot be ignored. Their personal testimonies are worthy of consideration just as testimonial evidence is considered in a secular court of law.

Legitimate scientific law must eventually conclude that there is a god. The law of cause and effect insists that “no effect can be produced without a cause.” Even evolutionists, as they consider everything they see in the physical universe, agree on that but eventually all their theories must lead them to an uncaused cause, which they can only describe as a “big bang.” But even the “big bang” required some material substance so they are left with the unexplained or the uncaused cause.

Secular scientists try to skirt this by stretching their timeline. The whole theoretical evolutionary process requires lots of time; if millions of years is insufficient to bring about an effect, then we just need to add millions more years. Eventially something improbable might happen. Its like the prospect that, given enough time and enough monkeys with enough typewriters, the monkeys could write the Gettysburg Address. I heard where that was actually put to the test. A lot of monkeys were put into a room with lots of typewriters for a long time and at the end of the test there was not one single word written. There was lots of unintelligible gibberish on the paper and lots of monkey poop on the keyboards but NOT ONE SINGLE WORD. The existence of the Gettysburg Address is evidence of an author.

There is order and design in the universe. The Earth itself is evidence of design. Its size is perfect. If any smaller, an atmosphere would be impossible. If larger, it would contain free hydrogen. Its distance from the sun is correct to maintain temperatures to sustain life. Our moon is unique in comparison to moons of other planets. It is relatively much larger and has an affect on the continents and oceans. The tilt of the Earth’s axis insures the seasons.

O.K. so I am willing to admit that the fact that the vast majority of humanity, at all times and in all places, has believed in some kind of god is not conclusive proof. The majority can be wrong.

And I agree that the testimony of believers is too subjective and could be unreliable. And even if we admit an uncaused cause and even though there are many indications of God in nature, nature, itself, cannot conclusively demonstrate that He exists or what He is like. Even the Bible, in the book of Job, records the rhetorical question, ”Can you find God by searching for Him?” The obvious answer is “NO,” not unless He reveals Himself.

A few years ago, I attended a seminar at our local high school where a scientist was making his case for the existence of God. A lady in the audience stood and asked him this question; “Sir, if there really is a god, why doesn’t he simply show himself to the world and settle the matter once and for all?” If God would do that for us, she reasoned, we would all believe.

Would we? The reality is, He has taken the initiative throughout history to communicate to man. But His fullest revelation has been His invasion into human history in the person of Jesus Christ. The most conclusive evidence that there is a God is that He has visited us and revealed Himself to us. All other indicators are mere clues or hints. They provide supporting evidence and testimony. But the indisputable confirmations of those indicators are the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

So then there is evidence from tradition, human experience, nature, and science but most importantly, there is direct revelation. Therefore our faith can be sure and is, in fact, more reasonable than the foolish faith of atheists.

That’s right, a belief that there is no god is a remarkable act of a foolish, indefensible faith that can only be explained by understanding that to conclude otherwise, would demand a change in attitude or behavior.

There is a God and He can be known in personal experience. He has given us sufficient evidence for His existence. He has shown Himself to the world, but just like that lady in the seminar, many people refuse to believe.

But God’ existence isn’t dependent on our volitional belief. The day will come when everyone will acknowledge Him,

For the Scriptures declare, “ ‘ As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow to me and every tongue will confess allegiance to God.’” (Rom. 14:11)

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Tyranny May Be Just Around The Corner

August 6, 2009

Mr. President:

Thomas Jefferson said, "When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty."

I'm not sure that all Americans fear their government yet but there is no doubt that government no longer fears the people. Tyranny may be right around the corner.

I am disgusted but not surprised at your administration’s most recent appeal for the people to report those who disagree with your policies.

I am a conservative and a patriot. I identify with those whom Janet Napolitano vilified by calling them “angry, right wing extremists” and whom Nancy Pelosi compares to Nazis. I am a supporter of the Constitution as it was constructed. I am a member of the NRA, and a pro-lifer. I own a pitchfork, a “Don’t Tread On Me” flag, and I attended a tea party in July.

Not only that, I am a Christian and I was born under the sign of Pisces so I guess that makes me doubly “fishy” to use your administration’s terminology.

So, Mr. President, I am going to spare my family, my friends, and my blog followers by reporting myself. I unapologetically oppose every attempt of yours to socialize this country and expand government including your plan to nationalize health care and I often criticize your actions and policies on my blog.

You can find my blog at:

Please do me one favor. When you send your goon squad out to get me, please dispatch them in big, black limousines early in the morning at the local coffee shop where I meet with my angry tea-bagging friends with pitchforks so they can see it. They would be so proud and probably jealous.

I remain dedicated to the resistance.

Ralph M. Petersen
Hemet, CA

False Doctrine Cries The Loudest About Unity

"I think that it is so important to know this. In a time like this of tolerance, listen, false teaching will always cry intolerance. It will always say you are being divisive, you are being unloving, you are being ungracious, because it can only survive when it doesn’t get scrutinized. So it cries against any intolerance. It cries against any examination, any scrutiny—just let’s embrace each other; let’s love each other; let’s put all that behind us.

"False doctrine cries the loudest about unity. Listen carefully when you hear the cry for unity, because it may be the cover of false doctrine encroaching. If ever we should follow 1 Thessalonians 5, and examine everything carefully, it’s when somebody is crying unity, love, and acceptance."

John MacArthur
(Online source)

From Watcher's Lamp

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Did Jesus Identify the Antichrist By Name?

I came across this article posted at World Net Daily. Is it just coincidental or is it a clue to the identity of the coming antichrist? Whatever you think, it is interesting and provocative. Posted: July 30, 2009 9:50 pm Eastern By Joe Kovacs © 2009 WorldNetDaily For centuries, many have wondered about the identity of a biblical leader who will do Satan the devil's bidding, trying to thwart the plans of Jesus Christ shortly before His prophesied return to Earth. That character has come to be known as "the antichrist," even though the Bible never uses that word to describe any single person. Now, after endless speculation suggesting Presidents John F. Kennedy, Franklin Roosevelt, Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush could possibly be the End Times Bad Boy, there's a new viral video placing the current occupant of the White House into the club. An American Christian has produced a brief film for YouTube that connects one statement by Jesus in the Gospel of Luke to President Barack Obama.
His 4-minute video focuses on the direct quote: "I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven." (Luke 10:18) "When I started doing a little research, I found the Greek word for 'lightning' is 'astrape', and the Hebrew equivalent is 'Baraq,'" said YouTube contributor "ppsimmons," a self-described Christian with a theological education and many years in the ministry, who spoke to WND under condition of anonymity out of concern for members of his local church. "I thought that was fascinating." As he continued looking into the rest of the words in the phrase, he focused on "heaven," and found that it can refer not just to God's dwelling place, but also "the heights" or "high places." He then recalled Isaiah 14:14, where Lucifer, another name for Satan, is quoted as saying, "I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High." "I wondered what the word 'heights' is," said ppsimmons, "and I looked it up in the dictionary, and it's 'Bamah.'" Thus, on the video, the announcer notes, "If spoken by a Jewish rabbi today, influenced by the poetry of Isaiah, He (Jesus) would say these words in Hebrew ... 'I saw Satan as Baraq Ubamah.'" "Gosh, was Jesus giving us a clue or was this just a freak coincidence?" thought the filmmaker at the time of his research. "I want to emphasize I'm not ashamed of what I put there," he told WND. "I'm not proclaiming he is the antichrist, or that I'm some kind of a Hebrew expert, but the word associations are indisputable. The Hebrew word for lightning is 'Baraq' and the word for heights or high places is 'Bamah.'" The movie has a prominent disclaimer stressing the film does not declare "BHO" [Barack Hussein Obama] to be the antichrist, but is merely pointing out the Hebrew words and their "striking" correlations to Jesus' statement. Obama is far from being the first public figure to have his identity tied to Bible prophecy. For instance, President Reagan was considered by some to be a potential merely because each of his names – Ronald Wilson Reagan – has six letters, prompting some to think of 666, the "number of the beast" in the Book of Revelation. Modern books such as "Naming the Antichrist: The History of an American Obsession" and "Antichrist: Two Thousand Years of the Human Fascination with Evil" have chronicled a wide variety of other suspects including Henry Kissinger, Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Italy's Benito Mussolini, Juan Carlos of Spain, Israel's Moshe Dayan, Egypt's Anwar Sadat, the Rev. Sun Myung Moon, Elvis Presley and ex-Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, perhaps for his famous birthmark on his head that some thought could be "the mark" of the beast mentioned in Revelation. When WND asked if people should take the video seriously or with a grain of salt, its producer said, "I take the middle road. I don't take it with a grain of salt, but I don't use the Bible like a Ouija board either. It's not like a magical crystal ball. Clear prophecy is one thing. Making word associations is another. Just look at it. I wouldn't take it super serious and say that's the proof we need. It's a little weird." With the video posted now in several locations on YouTube and more than 75,000 total views, there has been plenty of reaction.

Sunday, July 26, 2009


A young mother I know was relating an incident that occurred not long ago. She had bumped into an older woman who had been missing her and her family in the church.

My friend told her that they had been visiting other churches and were considering a move. When pressed for an explanation, she began to describe their frustration with the lack of biblical substance in their church. She explained that the influences on her children were not compatible with and supportive of the fundamental biblical doctrines and the Christian values that she and her husband were teaching at home.

That explanation seemed to surprise and bother her questioner who thought it strange that the young couple would be so concerned about biblical teaching. After all, their church offered so many wonderful accouterments, benefits, and various attractions for members of all ages and preferences. How could anyone not be satisfied?

When I heard that, my first thought was that THIS IS A NO-BRAINER. Christians need the solid meat of the Word; not quick snacks and spiritual junk food.

This young mother has small children and she knows, instinctively, what they need. As infants, they needed milk; they demanded milk; they screamed for milk, and they could not survive without it. As they grew, she began to feed them solid food. Without food, we die. We require it for growth, nourishment, health, and satisfaction.

So there is a good reason that God uses words like milk, meat, and bread as metaphors for His Word. It is what we need for our spiritual health and growth. Even Jesus, himself, when tempted by Satan said, "Man shall not live by bread (physical food) alone but by every Word that procedeth out of the mouth of God." Matt. 4:4. Just like the monstrous plant in The Little Shop of Horrors, we should crave the meat of the Word and demand from our pastors, "FEED ME!"

I think it is interesting that, when Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me?” He followed with this command, “Feed my sheep.”

The Apostle Paul instructed Timothy to “...preach the Word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.” 2 Tim. 4:2

Neither Jesus nor Paul instructed pastors to be entertainers, social workers, activity directors, or event planners. They simply charged them to FEED THE SHEEP.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Christians Embarass Me

I was talking to a waitress one day who told me that she doesn’t go to church because most of the Christians she knows act like hypocrites. She sees them in the restaurant after church on Sundays. They wear their Sunday clothes, put on their Sunday smiles and talk their Sunday talk. They all hold hands, bow their heads and corporately give thanks to God for the food and fellowship. And then the most amazing transformation takes place. They begin to complain about the food and the service, they are rude to the waitresses and they leave lousy tips. Regretfully, I had to agree with her; I’ve seen them too! Sometimes Christians embarrass me with their behavior. I think it would be better if they would keep quiet about their profession so no one would know.

Alexander the Great received a message that one of his soldiers had been continually, and seriously, misbehaving and thereby shedding a bad light on the character of all the Greek troops. And what made it even worse was that this soldier's name was also Alexander. He sent word that he wanted to talk to the errant soldier in person. When the young man arrived at the tent of Alexander the Great, the commander asked him, "What is your name?" "Alexander, sir," he replied. The commander looked him straight in the eye and said forcefully, "Soldier, either change your behavior or change your name."

This story has a lesson for each of us. When we call ourselves Christians, we are identifying with Jesus Christ. Does our behavior honor the one we represent or are we an embarrassment to Him?

“If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are just fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.” James 1:26

Friday, July 10, 2009

Don't Confuse Me With The Facts, I've Already Made Up My Mind.

“All Things Considered" is a commentary program of national public radio. Some time ago, Dr. Drew Westen of Emory University, a well respected psychologist, was commenting upon how our feelings can predict our political decision irrespective of the facts. Westen studies the way that psychology and politics intersect, and he says a familiar format in cable TV news works with the way our brains are wired. Here is what he said:

"We've grown accustomed to hearing two versions of every story, one from the left and one from the right, as if the average of two distortions equals the truth. You've seen this on TV. The journalist provides the skeleton of the story; it's then up to partisans to try to graft flesh onto one side or the other of its clanking bones.

"For example, I heard a news anchor begin a segment about missing explosives at the al Qaida munitions dump in Iraq. He described claims that weapons were missing and then handed it over to a Democrat and a Republican to dress the skeleton in red or blue. In fact, however, the munitions were missing, and the subject of the debate that followed, when they disappeared, was a question of fact, not interpretation, unless, of course, Democrats and Republicans live in different time zones.

"Unfortunately, this format--from the left, from the right--capitalizes on a design flaw in the human brain. We have a tendency to believe what we want to believe. We seek information and draw conclusions consistent with what we want to be true. I've been studying this kind of emotion-driven political thinking over the last several years, and the results are sobering. For example, during the disputed election of 2000, we could predict whether people would believe that manual or machine counts are more accurate just by knowing their feelings towards the two parties and the two candidates.

"When people draw conclusions about political events, they're not just weighing the facts. Without knowing it, they're also weighing what they would feel if they came to one conclusion or another, and they often come to the conclusion that would make them feel better, no matter what the facts are.

"An experiment completed right before the election shows just how powerful these emotional pulls can be. Here's what we told the participants. A soldier at Abu Ghraib prison was charged with torturing prisoners. He wanted the right to subpoena senior administration officials. He claimed he'd been informed the administration had suspended the Geneva Conventions. We gave different people different amounts of evidence supporting his claims. For some, the evidence was minimal; for others, it was overwhelming.

"In fact, the evidence barely mattered. 84% of the time, we could predict whether people believed the evidence was sufficient to subpoena Donald Rumsfeld based on just three things: the extent to which they liked Republicans, the extent to which they liked the US military, and the extent to which they liked human rights groups like Amnesty International. Adding the evidence into the equation allowed us to increase the prediction from 84% to 85%.

"A readiness to believe what we want to believe makes it all the more important for journalists to distinguish what's debatable from what's not. The line between facts and interpretations isn't always easy to draw, but presenting opinion as fact is not objective reporting. It isn't objective to preface news that's unflattering to one side or the other with phrases like 'critics claim' when it doesn't take a critic to claim it. There's nothing like a healthy debate, but there's nothing as unhealthy as a debate about the undebatable." (NPR Radio)

There was one sentence in that article that is shocking. "Adding the evidence into the equation allowed us to increase the prediction from 84% to 85%." In Dr. Westen's study, the actual number was 84.5%. His study centered around politics but the implications are broad. In the arena of faith, there are so many differences of opinions on truth.

A few years ago, I was discussing an important point of doctrine with a friend who had been raised and taught an errant view. After several weeks of examining scripture passages and contexts, he said to me, "You have presented overwhelming scriptural evidence in support of your view of the issue but there is just one problem; it is not what I have always been taught." For him, the facts did not make any difference. He based his beliefs on his feelings.

Unlike politics, in faith we have the absolute, authoritative and inerrant Word of God as the basis for our beliefs. This basic "design flaw in the human brain" that Dr. Westen referenced might explain why people are so willing to form their beliefs based on their emotions rather than the facts.

The old joke, "Don't confuse me with the facts. My mind is made up!" may be funny in politics but when it comes to matters of faith, believing the wrong thing could have disastrous, eternal consequences.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Friday, June 19, 2009

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Eleventh Commandment - Thou Shalt Not Offend

The president of a major Christian denomination (The Southern Baptist Convention) was quoted as saying, " is impossible for all Christian parents to be able to afford private and Christian education. That is a fact and we must not make them feel like second rate citizens or bad Christian parents."

Perhaps there is something to this. Let's apply it to some other issues.

Taking this into consideration the church probably shouldn't address the issue of divorce. Particularly in light of the fact that parishioners in some dominations divorce more frequently than the general public. We must not make them feel like second rate citizens.

The church probably shouldn't address the issue of tithing. After all, only a small percentage of the church tithes, and many say they really can't afford it. We must not make them feel like second rate citizens.

The church probably shouldn't address the issue of sex. After all many in our church participate in sex outside of marriage, what we like to call peccadillo's. We must not make them feel like second rate citizens.

The church definitely shouldn't address the issue of sin. After all we're all sinners, and we must not make them feel like second rate citizens.

The church probably shouldn't address the issue of salvation. If we point out that salvation involves repentance and a change in life style, some may wonder if they are really saved. Since that isn't evident in many, we must not make them feel like second rate citizens.

The church probably shouldn't address the issues of adultery, homosexuality, abortion, evangelism, welfare, voting or the Cultural Mandate, Bible study, drinking, drugs, cursing, or smoking. These issues are all controversial, and we must not make anyone feel like second rate citizens.

I guess the church probably shouldn't address the issue of education although it seriously troubles me not to do so, since according to studies 88% of children attending public schools leave the church. However, I guess the president of a 16 million (member) Christian denomination knows best. We had probably not point out that Christian Children Need A Christian Education. We must not make them feel like second rate citizens. After all, even educators have begun to take the lead from the church. They are considering banning the word "fail" from use in classrooms and replaced with the phrase "deferred success" to avoid making students feel bad.

The church needs to remember to be loving, and not be so critical. If we take the lead from social groups and country clubs, and make everyone comfortable, I'm sure we will see an increase in church growth.

Perhaps we should make "Lets Not Offend" the 11th Commandment!

(This article is by Dr. Bob Dreyfus, who works with Exodus Mandate in Florida, and who spoke to the S.B.C. Resolution on Education this June at the S.B.C. Convention in Nashville, TN. In the article, Dr. Dreyfus challenges the most recent mantra of those in leadership in the S.B.C. as to why they cannot support a Christian education for Christian children.)

Monday, June 15, 2009

Dan Phillips On Barack Obama

Guy Davies (Exiled Preacher) interviewing Dan Phillips asks, "What is your early assessment of your President and the "Leader of the Free World", Barak Obama?"

Dan Phillips responds: "Obama is the triumph of postmodernism. America elected a hollow image, a human projection-screen, prepped and served by our media. They gave arguably the most powerful office in the world to a man with no accomplishments, no preparation, and no qualifications. Worse, they elected a faux-Christian who sat under a viciously racist, marxist ministry for 20 years, who embraces abortion in every form and wants to crush liberty under totalitarian governmental control."

"Otherwise, no opinion."

Dan Phillips is one of the contributors to the Excellent Blog, Pyromaniacs.