If It Looks Like a Duck...

If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, and it smells like a duck, why would anyone punish the one who points out that it acts like a duck???





Just Wondered!

Altar Calls

"We’ve got ten million southern Baptists who walked somebody’s aisle, and prayed somebody’s prayer and checked somebody’s card and raised their hand….we’ve got ten million of them that do not come to church.  And when they face Jesus one day, at the Judgement Bar, they’re going to quote some preacher…..’Well, Pastor said if I’d come to the front…I did that.  Pastor said if I prayed that prayer….I did that.’  Do you not realize that if you give the flesh a hoop to jump, the flesh will do it every time?  But one thing the flesh cannot do is cause your spirit to be born again."

- Jeff Noblit, The Spirit of God at Work in God’s Church, 6/5/11

From "On The Unbiblical Nature of Altar Calls"
as posted at Sola Sisters

Obama Declares War

By most calculations, under the Obama administration, we are currently involved in five wars.  OK, so Iraq and Afganistan were not His doing but there are those pesky little "non-war" attacks on Pakistan, Libia, and Yemen.

But that's not all.  Does anyone remember the war Obama, the anti-war terrorist, waged on little babies in January, 2009 shortly after His coronation?  I am reposting this letter that I sent to His Majesty then because He has not repented and this immoral and costly war is still going on.

My Third Letter To The President (Jan 27, 2009)

Dear Mr. President,


Hi, it’s me again. Sorry to bother you; I know you are very busy but I have some questions and I see, from your official website, that you want to have an open and accessible administration so I’m sure you will not mind.

Do you know what is it called when one country invests in or finances the extermination of the citizens of another country? Some people might call it ethnic cleansing. I would call that an act of war.

What is it called when that practice is perpetrated on another country by stealth?  Let me help you with this; it is called terrorism.

An acquaintance of mine has correctly pointed out that the funding of efforts or programs to affect the extermination of a country’s progeny and future is an act of aggression. And you, sir, by your executive order to lift the ban on funding overseas abortions, have affectively plunged the U.S. into the active process of slaughtering the unborn children of other nations.

So, Mr. President, when did you change from the anti-war leader we thought we elected? How is it that you can wage an undeclared war on another country? Did you go before congress to explain your intentions and get their permission to engage in terrorist activities against the citizens of other countries? Have you acquired the cooperation of the United Nations or are you engaging this country in some more unilateral assaults on other nations. How can you reconcile the release of international terrorists in the interest of human rights while, at the same time, allow the killing of innocent children. How are your acts of terrorism different or nobler than those of Saddam Hussein or Osama bin Laden?

I was just wondering.

Sincerely,

Ralph M. Petersen

Tolerance

"Tolerance is the virtue 

of a man without conviction."

GK Chesterton

Does God Have A Business Plan?

Most Christians would agree that God has a "plan" of salvation.  But when it comes to how He executes that plan, there is much disagreement. 

So what is God's management style?  Has He just initiated a business idea and then sat back to see how many "clients" come through the door?  Or is He actively and purposefully working His plan?

There is a great post at THEOparadox that postulates that God is the "greatest of all project managers" and I would push that though just a little further; God wrote the book on successful project management.  In the post, Derek outlines a project management application for business and then shows how God systematically employs that model for His Plan of Salvation from start to finish.

Check it out here.  It is AWESOME but beware; you might not like what you see.

****HOLY HOARDING AND SACRED JUNK

My sons-in-law and I cleaned out a storage shed at our church a few years ago. It was a project that was much needed and long overdue. As we sorted through the junk, several thoughts occurred to me.  

First, my mind raced back about 25 years when I was the business administrator of a large church. Dealing with a simple thing like “spring cleaning” is never a simple thing in a church. Every bit of that broken, outdated, and worthless junk is SACRED. You can’t throw it away. It belonged to some class, mission society, teacher, or long-dead member whose daughter is the chairman of the deaconess committee. You must be a good steward of the resources God has provided. So cram it into an attic, a closet, a cabinet, an unused classroom, or rent another storage container to keep and protect that junk.

Second, if it can’t be used now, there is probably someone somewhere who may be able to use it for something sometime. It would be a shame (or probably a sin) to throw that perfectly good, worthless stuff away.  It would be better to save it for the youth camp fund rummage sale or, if no one is willing to give a nickel for that old, broken down computer, you could always donate it to another church or, better yet, a missionary. Missionaries always need good junk. The youth group could raise funds for a short-term mission project so they could all rent a truck and a bus to take a pile of crap to a mission church in Tijuana (never give them new stuff because it might spoil them).

Third, remember, everything you think is dumpster fodder is a precious treasure donated by some dear saint and he is watching you. Most of our donations came to us in the week following Christmas and just before the first day of January. That’s when people make their year-end offerings of broken refrigerators, torn sofas, and wrecked cars, to God. It’s a pretty cool deal. They can overhype the value and take it as an income tax deduction, save the time and cost of disposing of it at the landfill, AND, there are the added benefits of feeling good about themselves and gaining brownie points with God for their generosity.

Fourth, as I watched my boys toss out that stuff, I caught myself thinking that some of that was worth keeping and, probably, some other well-meaning, seasoned saint might get his shorts in a wad when he finds the storage shed cleared. After all, that was a perfectly good shovel; all it needed was a new handle. But then I quickly got over my hesitation. The neat, clean, organized storage space was well worth the tradeoff.  

Okay, so I realize that there is a generational gap thing going on here that explains why older people are inclined to save, store, and hoard. My grown kids are too young to have observed it but I see it all the time in my dealings with the elderly. Anyone who has lived during the 1920s through the 1940s probably has a propensity to save stuff. The Great Depression brought hard times and the war necessitated shortages and rationing. Those were the days when stuff was expensive, and labor was cheap. So, for example, my grandfather saved used, bent nails. He had the time to straighten and sort them rather than waste good money on new nails. Today that doesn’t make sense because labor is very expensive, and goods are relatively cheap. But all of this is a digression from the topic of church storage. 

Ignore all those excuses. Just because someone donated it is no reason to store it and just because you have it is no reason to keep it. The reason someone gave you that mimeograph machine is because he now has a laser copier.  And the reason someone donated that flannelgraph is because she is now teaching with PowerPoint.  Come on folks, get rid of it. You will feel so much better when it’s gone. 

Holding A Hammer

The internet rumor is that this Tennessee Middle School Assistant Football Coach, age 26, was fired for writing this song.  I don't know if that's true; Snopes has nothing on it.   

It makes for a good story but, true or not, this is a great song and could be a country music hit.  

You can download it to your MP3 for free at holdingahammer.com

A Short-Term Mission Opportunity

SAMPLE SUPPORT LETTER FOR SHORT TERM MISSIONS PROJECTS  (feel free to use or adapt as you wish).


Dear Brothers and Sisters:

My family and I have a wonderful opportunity to serve the Lord on a short-term mission project this summer. It will be a lovely and precious time of ministry as we will have opportunities to encourage the inhabitants of a strange world of multiple cultures.

We pray that God will use us to build them up and help them find real purpose in their lives. This will be a one-week missions trip to the hot, humid swamps of central Florida that, we trust, will enable to carry out the spirit of the great commission as the Lord has commanded us; “Go ye!”

In order for my entire family to experience this wonderful blessing (something that has been my life-long dream), we will need a total of $15,000 to cover airline tickets, food, hotel rooms, passage to all the different lands of this mystical world, discretionary funds for undetermined needs, money to cover lost wages (so I don't have to use up any of my vacation time), and lovely, happy, feel-good tracts to pass out to the indigenous characters of Disney World.

One of the positive aspects of this mission opportunity is that we will not need to spend a lot of time mastering new languages. Apart from learning a few local colloquialisms like, "Bibbity bobbity boo," "Hi Ho, Hi Ho" and "Akuna Matata," communication should be pretty simple.  Besides, most of the inhabitants are multi-lingual.

Will you prayerfully consider partnering with us to build up the Kingdom by supporting us in this ministry endeavor? I know times are hard and money is scarce but your gift of any size will be appreciated.  And remember, the bigger the offering, the better your reward, since you cannot outgive God.  We would really prefer not to have to pay for any of this ourselves (After all - we are the ones making the physical sacrifice to go and serve in this manner).  For we know that you will get the greater reward for your sacrificial part in our labor.  So "Let It Go."

Please make your check payable to the Ichabod Baptist Buddhist Comfortable Church of Open Hearts and Open Arms.

I want to thank you, in advance, for the very generous gift you are certain to give. Together, we can accomplish much as we show forth the love of God to all creatures great and small.  Oh, and, by the way, if you cannot make a donation, at least you can pray.  Pray that we all have a good, safe time, that our luggage doesn't get lost, and that we won't be too overly stressed or uncomfortable during our trip. 

Ralph M. Petersen and family

Bureaucrats

"Bureaucrats -- Smarmy little self-serving, unelected schmucks with Napoleonic complexes who can't help but try to micromanage everyone else's lives."

From a comment left here by Rickey.                     

Excuse Me Now While I Go PUKE!

A Christian Mother's Lament

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.(Titus 2:3-5 ESV)

Where Are These Older Women?

 

“It seems these older women are with other older women or they are RV-living or something. They've raised their kids and they are ready to live their own life now.  I filled out a form for a bible study and it asked me what age group I was so they can separate us into groups. WHAT?  Well, that really stinks.   I don't want to be put in my age group…

…I'd really love to have an older woman friend who would encourage me in the nitty-gritty of life.  I know there are a lot of us who want that.  We talk with each other and feel a bit like the blind leading the blind. We want to hear from those who have been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, and came out the other side slightly cracked, but still intact.”   (Daisy)

Daisy’s article can be read in its entirety here.  

Hers is a valid and troubling concern.  I believe it may be an unintended consequence of failed contemporary, market-driven church growth programs that segregate people into special interest groups.  No matter how much church leaders preach, and thump, and cram “unity” down the throats of their congregations, when you have multiple services designed to meet the perceived needs and preferences of people, you will end up with divided, estranged, and dysfunctional congregations.

Rural America Beware

It has been a long time since I have written to the POTUS.  Last week I read where he wants to assemble an unnamed committee to advise him about how government can help improve the lives of rural Americans. 

LOOK OUT, RURAL AMERICA.  YOU GUYS ARE IN THE CROSS HAIRS.

The nine most frightening words in the English language:  

"We're from the government and we're here to help."  

Ronald Reagan

Date:          June 11, 2011

To:             The President of the USA

                  1600 Pennsylvania Ave.  NW

                  Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. O,

Are you crazy or what?  You don’t need another advisory committee. They are too expensive, they waste way too much time, most of the pinheads who sit on committees don’t know squat about what they are advising, and government usually never listens to them anyway.

As for boosting the economic outlook and quality of life for 60 million people living in rural America, please, Please, PLEASE DON’T HELP. 

Better yet, appoint me.  That’s right, ME, Ralph M. Petersen.  I am volunteering to serve you as chairman of your committee.  AND I’LL DO IT FOR FREE.  I believe I can help you better than any of those other Bozos that you might pick because I know something about rural America that none of them (or you) understands.

RURAL AMERICANS DON’T WANT YOUR STINKIN’ HELP!  The reason they are in RURAL America is because they just want government to BUTT OUT and leave them alone.  They are hardworking, self-reliant, patriotic citizens who value their freedom more than any comfort or convenience that might exist in urban areas.  

 They want to enjoy their homes (that they have built or bought without your help), and they want to use their land and its resources (without government's permission, interference, and prohibitions).  They want to take care of their own (without the entrapments of government welfare and entitlements).  They want to protect themselves (because they know government cannot and will not) and they have the tools and ability to do it better anyway.   

As for education, they just want their children to learn to read and write and count and think and be respectful and respected and responsible.  They don't need the interference of a national education system with its failed policies.  And frankly sir, they really don't want their children to be subjected to a system that is bent on turning them into brainwashed, brain dead, metro-sexual, liberal haters of God, America, decency, and everything else that is good.

Seriously, there might be a benefit here for you if you let me be your committee chairman.  Think about it.  You will save a lot of taxpayers' money and you’ll have the opportunity to REALLY DO SOMETHING TO HELP 60 MILLION AMERICANS BY LEAVING THEM ALONE.  Who knows?  Then some of those conservative, good old boys (and gals) might just like you enough to re-elect you (well, that might be a stretch).

I am available (your policies have just about destroyed my livelihood anyway) to do my part to help you and my country any way I can.  You can contact me by email.  I’ll be anxiously waiting.

Sincerely and respectfully at your service,

Ralph M. Petersen     


Note:  Yes, as a matter of fact, I did mail this to the POTUS.  I have mailed ALL the letters to him that I have posted here under the label, "Letters To Obama," signed with my real name, address and phone number.

Since he has enlisted thousands of citizens and his own goons to "rat out" his critics, I have tried to make it easy on him.

Justice Or Revenge?

There I was, minding my own business, driving home last week on the I10 eastbound from L.A. at about 80 mph.  Suddenly, some stupid pigeon decided to choose me off.  BANG!  Out of nowhere he attacked my vehicle.  What a mess.  He mangled my front license plate and broke the frame.  There was a bloody mess all over the front of my Toyota FJ Cruiser.

Oh well, he won't be doing that again; I KILLED HIM!

Give Poor Anthony A Break

Enough is enough already.  What is the big deal about Anthony Weiner's harmless, victimless, sophomoric fantasy escapades with a few girls on his twitter acount?  Good grief!  Is that bad enough that a sitting congressman should be forced to resign?

There are far more offensive things going on in this country.  I once had a pastor who had a pool table in his living room.  You know, as in "Pool with a capital P and that rhymes with T and that stands for TROUBLE.  Now that's bad.

Seriously, I think a foolish little pornographic photo of Anthony Weiner's exposed "junk" isn't nearly as salacious or morally despicable as, say, Sarah Palin's shameless tanning bed purchase.

But hey, I could be wrong.

For the uninitiated, this post is classified "Sarcasm." 

Governor Rick Perry On Rinos

Straight shooting, no-nonsense, tell it like it is, Texas Governor Rick Perry diagnoses the problem with unprincipled, pragmatic, panty-waisted politicians.

"...liberals act like Republicans

to get elected and

Republicans govern like

liberals to be loved."

Governor Rick Perry

Another Specimen From The Land Of Loons

More evidence that liberals' dip sticks don't quite reach the oil pan.

Listen to Janet Napolitano (who is incapable of using good logic) accuse someone of not using good logic.

Ann Coulter on Waterboarding

Sharp, pithy, straight shooting, no nonsense communication.  And with a bit of sarcastic humor.  It doesn't get much better than this.  Liberals are left speechless.  You gotta luv it!