Nailed That Sapsucker!

I've lived in my house for about 23 years and have never been plagued with crows until this year. They're everywhere and they are huge (about 24 inches tall). Some are nesting in a forty foot palm tree over my driveway. What a mess. White spots all over the concrete, disgusting loads dropped on my car, and my drive is littered with sticks. That's right, dozens of twigs and branches about ten to fourteen inches in length and about the diameter of my little finger. That, I presume, is their nest-building material. A few days ago, an afternoon breeze kicked up and a large, feather-ridden pile of twigs, paper, and pieces of cloth blew out of the tree onto my driveway. What a mess.

Early every morning we are awakened by, what sounds like someone running or jumping on our roof. That seems to be their favorite gathering spot. Sometimes it is just loud tapping like someone knocking at the door. One afternoon I heard this continuous banging on the roof. I went out to see one of them beating the snot out of a large orange that he had in his beak. They're tearing up my shake roof. Constantly pecking and banging and pulling; I'm finding pieces of shingles laying all around my house.

For weeks now, I go out early in the morning or come home in the afternoon and there they are just sitting there looking at me. It's like an eerie scene from Alfred Hitchcock's movie, The Birds.

I look at them, I point at them, I flail my arms and shout and clap my hands, and they sit there and look at me.

So I bought a pellet gun (it's illegal to fire a .22 in the city limits and, besides, there may be some bird worshippers in the neighborhood who'll call the animal cops). It's a high velocity (1000 feet per second) rifle with a scope. I figured it would be like picking off toy ducks in a shooting gallery. I was wrong. I heard recently that birds have a memory span of about 15 minutes. I don't believe it. The first time I walked out the door armed with my new pellet gun, they all took off. It's like they know stuff. So, for several days, they gather around to deliberately bug me; I load my pellet gun and walk out, and they take off "cawing" their warnings all over the neighborhood.

But today was different. I heard them on the roof. I loaded and quietly tiptoed out. Hiding behind a large bush, I caught sight of one sitting on a powerline over my property. I raised the rifle, sighted him in my scope and squeezed the trigger. Bang; I nailed that sapsucker. He dropped thirty feet to the ground like a rock. The rest of them scattered but I got one and he is already some stray cat's dinner.

After I win the war with the crows, I'm going after the ground squirrels.