Don't Worry About Me, Mr. President, I'm A Survivor

March 18, 2009

President Barrack Obama

1600 Pennsylvania Ave

Washington, DC

Dear Mr. President:

I know it has been a while since I last wrote to you and I apologize for that;  my computer crashed and I had to replace it.  But I am back in business now and I should be able to resume my frequent epistles to you.

Things are tough everywhere out here in fly-over country and many of the uneducated, unsophisticated, and ignorant rednecks in my circle of acquaintances are really feeling the pain.

But there is a bright side.  We will not be caught unprepared.  We are not dependent on your benevolence and unrealistic promises.  We will survive.  Long after you are gone, we will be here.  We are Americans.

You see, there is a social phenomenon, actually an institution of traditional americana that has been duplicated in thousands of coffee shops, taverns, barber shops and fast-food restaurants across this great land.  It is the modern day equivalent of the gathering around the pot-bellied stove in the old general stores of yesteryear.  It is the daily gathering of good old boys (and girls) for the purpose of discussing news, politics, and culture.

My cohorts and I have been meeting together for coffee every morning for years in a local coffee shop.  The camaraderie is great and the discussions are pure, mindless drivel - the same guys sitting in the same places telling the same old lies and insults year after year.  So I have to admit, your election has reinvigorated us and your new socialist agenda has given us new stuff to crab about.

And that brings me to the point.  In recent days we have all come to realize what most Americans have known throughout our 200+ years of history.  That is we must take care of ourselves.  And that is what we are doing.

The last few weeks we have been busy making plans and we have created a list of necessary supplies that we are accumulating for our survival. Money is worthless and the government will fail us.  We are just simple people with nothing but our faith and our guns and our guts.  I thought you might be interested to know what thousands of Americans, whose savings, home values, and retirement provisions have been decimated, are up to.  

 The following is a sampling of some of the items in our “must have” list of survival provisions:

• Gold and silver in any form
• Machetes and knives
• 1000 watt flashlights (strong enough to blind someone)
• Emergency, hand-crank radios
• Vegetable seeds
• Flares
• Shovels, pitchforks and axes
• Bottled water and dehydrated foods
• Tents, sleeping bags, and blankets
• Generators and propane
• First Aid kits
• Chainsaws so we can drop some trees at each end of our streets to keep outsiders away from our homes.
• Several cords of firewood
• At least 1000 rounds of ammunition and something to put them in (if you catch my drift) 
• Etc. and etc. but you get the idea.  We just all want you to know that we will be OK.  Don’t worry about us.

Sincerely yours,

Ralph M. Petersen and the rest of the good old boys.