Monday, November 10, 2014

Dress Code for the Old Folks' Home

Dear Residents of The Old Folks' Home,

Dress codes are necessary in school where foolish young people have not yet developed good sense and discernment about what is appropriate attire. And, even here among the employees, some need to be told what is acceptable in order to project a conservative Christian image.

However, I’m embarrassed to have to address this subject with you, the residents. At your ages, one would think you should know better. But evidently some of you are either quite confused about current fashion trends or you are just plain outrageous, inconsiderate and disrespectful to the sensibilities of the others in your senior community.

Therefore I must establish some dress code guidelines for residents. Despite what you may have seen on the streets or what you think is fashionable, the following “wardrobe malfunctions, are not pleasing to the eye, they DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. Nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. Pierced tongues and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. Belly button rings and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker
And last, but not least, the most obnoxious and disgusting:
13. Thongs and Depends

Please be considerate of others and keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you come out of your rooms.
Thank you,
The Administrator

1 comment:

Dave Petersen said...

I guess I'm going to have to get rid of my bifocals...