Selected Writing Rules

Thanks to my friend, Ron Livesay for passing on this humorous list of great writing (or speaking) tips.

• Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

• Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

• And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

• Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)

• Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

• Be more or less specific.

• Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

• Also, too, never, never, ever, ever use repetitive redundancies.

• About those sentence fragments.

• Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

• Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

• Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; do no say things in more than one way; do not repeat yourself; it is highly superfluous and extraneous.

• One should NEVER generalize.

• Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

• Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. In other words, no abbrev., etc’s, etc.

• One-word sentences?  Eliminate.

• Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

• The passive voice is to be ignored.

• Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.  Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

• Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

• Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

• Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

• Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations.  Tell me what you know."

• If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times:  Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

• Puns are for children, not groan readers.

• Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

• Who needs rhetorical questions?

• Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

• It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

And the last one...  

• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.