Monday, January 2, 2012

Selected Writing Rules

Thanks to my friend, Ron Livesay for passing on this humorous list of great writing (or speaking) tips.

  • Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
  • Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
  • And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
  • Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
  • Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
  • Be more or less specific.
  • Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
  • Also, too, never, never, ever, ever use repetitive redundancies.
  • About those sentence fragments.
  • Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
  • Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
  • Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; do no say things in more than one way; do not repeat yourself; it is highly superfluous and extraneous.
  • One should NEVER generalize.
  • Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
  • Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. In other words, no abbrev., etc’s, etc.

  • One-word sentences?  Eliminate.

  • Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

  • The passive voice is to be ignored.

  • Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.  Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

  • Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
  • Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

  • Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

  • Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations.  Tell me what you know."

  • If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times:  Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

  • Puns are for children, not groan readers.

  • Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

  • Who needs rhetorical questions?

  • Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

  • It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
And the last one...  
  • Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.


Melvin Schlump said...

There are more. I will send them to you.

Melvin Schlump said...

I see you got the rest.

Ralph M. Petersen-Always Right; Sometimes Wrong! said...

Thanks, Ron

Rational νεόφυτος said...

These are too awesome and with every sentence should be used with.