Thanks to my friend, Ron Livesay for passing on this humorous list of great writing (or speaking) tips.
- Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
- Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
- And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
- Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
- Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
- Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; do no say things in more than one way; do not repeat yourself; it is highly superfluous and extraneous.
- One should NEVER generalize.
- Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
- Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. In other words, no abbrev., etc’s, etc.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
- The passive voice is to be ignored.
- Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
- Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
- Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
- Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
- Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
- If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
- Puns are for children, not groan readers.
- Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
- Who needs rhetorical questions?
- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
And the last one...
- Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.