I'm struggling with an overpowering compulsion to apprise you of my contempt for your repugnant predisposition to evacuating voluminous excrements from the recesses of your entrails upon the cloisters of our sanctuaries and around the colonnades of our cathedrals.
I would likewise express my abhorrence for your detestable practice of public urination within the passages of our business offices and at the portals of our mercantile establishments.
Furthermore, I would relish an opportunity to convey my utter disdain at the discovery of your sullied, odorous, and otherwise repulsive prophylactics. In short, I yearn to inform you of the despicable nature of your uncouth deportment.
But, alas, I cannot. My wife won’t let me say it with words that you can understand so never mind. I'll just clean up your crap for you.