Friday, November 27, 2015

A Woman's Guide To Christmas Gift Shopping For Men

LADIES: HERE IS MY GUIDE TO CHRISTMAS (or birthday) GIFT GIVING FOR YOUR MEN
Shopping for men is easy. Really. Because men are simple, uncomplicated creatures.
Here are suggested gift ideas that are certain to please the man in your life.
1. AMMUNITION
A gun without ammo is just a club or a very expensive mantle decoration.
2. AMMUNITION CANS
Even if he doesn’t have any ammunition, these things are really cool and they have multiple uses. Think of them as a man’s equivalent to your Tupperware.
3. BELTS
Real men wear their pants up around their waists and their belts wear out quickly. But just get plain black or brown leather belts with simple buckles (no fancy fluff, jewels, or colors).
4. CHOCOLATE CANDY
Yes, believe it or not, men like candy too. NOT those fancy expensive, designer candies; just plain simple cheap stuff in large bags like M&Ms, Reese’s Pieces, or Hershey Bars. We're more interested in scarfing down large quantities rather than savoring fine quality confections.
5. SOCKS, T-SHIRTS, AND UNDERWEAR
If you really, really REALLY think you need to buy clothing, you can’t go wrong with these. We always need them and you won’t risk buying something that we won’t wear. White T-shirts with pockets are the best because they are multi-functional; they are appropriate for work, play, loungewear, social events and even church attire. Memo: as cute as you think it might be, men do not want socks to match their ties unless they're both black. Most men won’t like anything that women think is “cute.”
6. CAMO OR TACTICAL STUFF 
Anything with camouflage print. Whether or not it is useful, it is cool.
7. TOOLS 
A man can never have too many tools (why do you have more than one knife in your cutlery drawer?).
8. GUNS 
(see tools)
9. WALLETS
Men always need new wallets. They get cruddy, worn out, and uncomfortable and too full of stuff.  Real, soft leather, and simple thin construction without an over-abundance of photo sleeves (we only carry a minimal number of obligatory photos, but we do need space for our NRA membership cards).
10. POCKET KNIVES
The small, three-inch kinds with two blades are always handy, useful tools for a myriad of tasks including fingernail cleaning and tooth picking.
11. GIFT CERTIFICATES
Our preferences are Lowe's, Home Depot, or Bass Pro Shops.
12. A RECLINER CHAIR
Preferably with a drink holder and a pocket for the remote control.
NOTE - If your man doesn’t like any of this stuff, THEN JUST GET HER A NICE PAIR OF EARRINGS OR SOME SKINNY JEANS.

3 comments:

Alec said...

Ralph, Thank for these.

With the hope that some will take advantage of your excellent suggestions, your post was featured on Mishmash 9 | Hymns and him.

Wishing you a "Merry Christmas".

Alec

Ralph M. Petersen-Always Right; Sometimes Wrong! said...

http://alecsatin.com/ Thanks for sharing, Alec. I found your website interesting, resourceful, and informative, and I just subscribed.

Alec said...

Appreciate that. Feeling's mutual.

Alec